Man, I received some devastating news today which really fucked me up emotionally. I spoke with my best friend today for the first time in a very long time. This girl and I have known each other since the second grade, and we haven't really been cool in a whole year and a half almost. Our friendship ended kind of sour, but we NEVER had no beef or nothing. And even though we "fell out" it was never like any love lost, because we are much deeper than friends..we truly are sisters. Well, today I learned that her father (our father) has cancer and is in his last stages. Hearing this news had me broke down crying at work. It just seems so unreal..I am hurt that it looks as if his passing is possible, because it all seems too soon to me. Like death comes with the territory, however..the thought of having to bury a parent of someone so close to my heart so soon in our lives is just completely devastating. And to add to the pain I feel soo fucking bad, because this girl has been there for me through everything major in my life..all the good and the bad..times I couldn't care for myself..she was there washing my ass for me..whenever I have cried..one look in her direction or call and she's crying with me..and vice versa. And I have not been there for her through these times. My baby tells me don't feel bad because I didn't know..which is true..I just found out today..but I can't help it.
Through our whole lives she's never needed me in the same ways I have needed her..
and it just saddens me so much, because she has had to deal with the same type of shit I went through with my grandfather..and I have not been by her side like she was for me. AND..I think about why we stopped talking and it was not worth it at all, because whether we want to talk or not..we can not deny we are family..we been apart of each other for too long..and to know I could have missed out on everything about what's going on now..is VERY scary to picture. I have called this man dad since the 2nd grade..that will never change.
At the time we seemed to be going in two different directions in our lives..and that pulled us apart, but what topped the cake was..to look back now..it seems as if I got stuck in the middle of a dispute between her and the other closest person to me at the time. It was almost as if I had to choose..because the situation left no room for friendship with both. It's not like I was forced to decide..but trust me, it couldn't have worked any other way. And that's so stupid, because the situation had nothing to do with me at all..but somehow I got caught in the middle..so I chose to make no effort what so ever into trying to salvage our friendship, because the situation was so monumental that if it was true..there is NO possible excuse to make that shit okay..and if it was false..we were already on two different paths..so at the time it made me no difference if we were friends or not. But in my heart, I know it does.
Today it has really hit me that sometimes you really just have to agree to disagree. People evolve..sometimes for the best other times for the worst..but regardless..when you have someone who is there for you no matter what, and has shown you they want only the best for you..no matter what approach they take..no matter what choices they make..you still love and accept them no matter what changes ya'll go through. Don't waste time on shit that can deteriorate your personal growth, Never let anything come between family, forgive and forget, and live every fucking day like its your ma fucking last.
"Been RuNNiN FoR too LoNg..iTz TiMe to Give Me Mines"
Through our whole lives she's never needed me in the same ways I have needed her..
and it just saddens me so much, because she has had to deal with the same type of shit I went through with my grandfather..and I have not been by her side like she was for me. AND..I think about why we stopped talking and it was not worth it at all, because whether we want to talk or not..we can not deny we are family..we been apart of each other for too long..and to know I could have missed out on everything about what's going on now..is VERY scary to picture. I have called this man dad since the 2nd grade..that will never change.
At the time we seemed to be going in two different directions in our lives..and that pulled us apart, but what topped the cake was..to look back now..it seems as if I got stuck in the middle of a dispute between her and the other closest person to me at the time. It was almost as if I had to choose..because the situation left no room for friendship with both. It's not like I was forced to decide..but trust me, it couldn't have worked any other way. And that's so stupid, because the situation had nothing to do with me at all..but somehow I got caught in the middle..so I chose to make no effort what so ever into trying to salvage our friendship, because the situation was so monumental that if it was true..there is NO possible excuse to make that shit okay..and if it was false..we were already on two different paths..so at the time it made me no difference if we were friends or not. But in my heart, I know it does.
Today it has really hit me that sometimes you really just have to agree to disagree. People evolve..sometimes for the best other times for the worst..but regardless..when you have someone who is there for you no matter what, and has shown you they want only the best for you..no matter what approach they take..no matter what choices they make..you still love and accept them no matter what changes ya'll go through. Don't waste time on shit that can deteriorate your personal growth, Never let anything come between family, forgive and forget, and live every fucking day like its your ma fucking last.
"Been RuNNiN FoR too LoNg..iTz TiMe to Give Me Mines"
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